Strawberries

Strawberries

Unschooling/autonomous education/homeschooling/home education.......blah, blah blah!

Our boys are 9, 11 and 15.  I have, for a long time, talked about home educating them. I just didn't really know how to go about it.   Last December, our eldest decided that this is what he wanted. Now, that should have made me very happy, having considered it for so long, but I have to admit, I was terrified!  How the hell was I supposed to go about teaching a 14 year old, who was about to take his options for GCSE's? It was at that point that I seriously got immersed in finding out how to make home ed work for us.  I stalled him until the beginning of this year, when it all came to a head. 

After Christmas, our middle son was showing a considerable amount of anxiety and he found the whole idea of returning to school so overwhelming that he was having panic attacks and retching. This didn't really happen suddenly.  It had been building for a few years.  Stomach aches, headaches, diarrhoea.  Anything, really, to get out of going to school.  He'd always complained about the bright lights and the hot rooms; the anxiety that he would throw up during worship because the hall was so warm and noisy.  He even hated the smells at lunchtime, or sitting next to kids eating noisily or with their mouths open. Watching him going through this was just awful.  I will always regret forcing him into his school uniform, then helping to bundle him into the car so my husband could take him to school for the first day of term. I'm sure we both even yelled at him.  Of course, he never made it into school that first day back. He was in such a state that Christian just turned the car around and brought him home.  He was broken.  I helped him him back into his pj's and we just snuggled. I felt the panic gradually melt away as I told him he didn't have to go back. He hasn't worn that uniform since. His brothers decided that same week that they didn't want to go back either. We deregistered them all the second week in and haven't looked back. I spent most of that time in tears. Partly because I was complicit in forcing my son into a situation that caused him such immense stress and anxiety that he was physically affected, but also because I felt completely overwhelmed and ill equipped for the task ahead of me. I really was on my own.  My husband was dead against taking them out of school.  He felt they were skiving and should be in school just like every other kid.  He also felt that, as he'd paid his taxes, they should benefit from an education as the government's expense, not ours.  He's slowly coming round. Very slowly. Hopefully, we will both end up on the same page.

Having taken some time to deschool we have since fallen into a more autonomous style of learning. It is very rewarding watching your kids discover what they want to learn for themselves.  I am keen for us, as parents, to learn to have a more respectful partnership with our kids. Unschooling makes Christian very uncomfortable.  All he sees is his kids having a great time, seemingly doing as they please.  Life is like one long summer holiday.  Isn't that the whole point of childhood? To have the time of your life, without a care in the world!  I've lost count of the times I've heard myself say, "but they're always learning!". 

The whole 'self regulation' aspect of unschooling a tricky one to negotiate with a reluctant husband. I'm sure many people think it's just a bunch of old hippy crap.  Sod them!  I want my kids to be respectful and for us to respect them.  It's not easy.  Sometimes I just want them to do what I want!

I am sure I'm not the only woman who clips articles and sends them to their husband, only for them to languish, unread, in their inbox.  Aaargh!  Why don't men ever read the manual?  I have to read the directions for both of us but some of it gets lost in translation.

My mother would probably say I was stubborn. She may be right, but, I knew I had to trust my gut that, despite my husband's misgivings, removing the boys from mainstream education was absolutely the best thing for them, and us, as a family. 

I've occasionally struggled to find the right label when people ask how I go about educating our boys at home. I hate labels.  I've discovered that, more often than not, people find it comforting being able to pigeon hole you.  I can honestly say that I've mostly had favourable responses from friends and family when they have discovered the boys are now home educated.  So many of them have said they'd love to do it themselves, if only they had the time, or if finances allowed. I am hugely grateful for a husband who works so hard to support his family so I can stay home and educate our children. Even if that means he's away a lot.  Some people just think we're mad. How could anyone possibly want to spend that much time with their own children? Water off a duck's back. Ain't nobody got time for that!  

to be continued......

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